Break away

I like to think of myself as somewhat of an intellectual person. It does not take much to fascinate me. The sight of heavy clouds on a rainy day is enough to capture my awe. As the rays of light from heaven penetrate through the barrier of clouds, I cannot help but to marvel at its majesty. Such was not the case perhaps some five years ago. At that delicate age of 13 the sight of heavy clouds only meant one thing- rain.

The transition from a child to a teenager is a terrifying journey. No longer can innocence be used as an excuse for any shortcoming that was committed. We are expected to be more independent in how we carry out our functions. At this stage of life, our minds can be easily manipulated by anyone including but not limited to friends and family. What lies ahead is the inevitable process of maturity.

Along with the process of maturity, there is the desire to establish a good social standing. Needless to say, we all have that desire, including myself. Any opportunity to be integrated into the popular crowd I was more than willing to take.

It was after the winter break of my 7th grade that this opportunity came. A group of closely associated friends asked me to join their group. Apparently one of the guys from their group was becoming a nuisance and my function was to fill his spot. The opportunity was too good to be true; I quickly filled the spot without any hesitation. This was of course not an initiation to any gang, they were just a group of friends that made up a clique. I knew that joining them would be my ticket to popularity. Overtime my prediction became a reality. Slowly but surely I became buddies with the so-called popular kids; an accomplishment I look back with regret.

My personality back then was not at all exciting. Small talk was my weakness. Even more difficult is my capacity to initiate a conversation. Evidently, my personality was not the catalyst to my acceptance. As I ponder upon my recollections, I have come to the realization that my integration was due to my race. Being Filipino, I was one of the minorities in a Hispanic-dominant school. There were about 3 other Filipinos in my school if my recollection serves me right. "Chino" was the nickname I was commonly associated with. It is my understanding that "Chino" is an informal Spanish word for a person of Asian background. It mattered not to me, I accepted this nickname without any hesitation. In fact, I even exploited myself as THEE Asian dude. Any stereo-type that was associated with the Asian culture, I made it a mission to fulfill it. This was accomplished with the occasional "WATAAH!" or a respectful bow in mockery of Eastern culture traditions. I never meant any harm to them, but every time I performed such a deed, it was always met with humor. This was perhaps my only value in any friendships I shared with the popular. My only contributions were watahhs! or hi-yahs! I was never there to be the shoulder they can cry on, or the one to turn to when times get rough. My function was for the amusement for others.

At some point I must have realized the extent of my stupidity, otherwise I would not be performing this task of writing. In fact, I never really had a passion for writing until I began work on this book. Such an endeavor I would never have thought about doing in time past. Nevertheless here I am, writing to my hearts desire, nothing to hold me back except the extent of my own thoughts.

Perhaps the origin of these thoughts branched out after watching a peculiar film entitled "Koyaanisqatsi". Literally meaning "life out of balance" the film presents a perspective that criticizes the work of mankind. Prior to watching this film, our class learned about the Transcendentalist movement. This movement was comprised of great thinkers of the 19th century that advocated the ideas of Transcendentalism. Every concept or idea exploited by this movement was at the very least valid and by all means relevant.

There was one particular idea inspired by the movement that I personally found most thought-provoking. The idea of mankind's conformity with all of society was, to me, of profound interest. This doctrine of Transcendentalism was perhaps the main concept advocated by Koyaanisqatsi. Watching the film was in itself an enlightening experience. A film that dares go beyond the boundaries of conventional wisdom should have the capacity to leave its audience with a second thought. Perceptibly, Koyaanisqatsi's objective was to give its audience insight to another perspective of humanity. They accomplished this by showing a compilation of scenes highlighting man's achievements such as skyscrapers, cars, and airplanes; contrarily, scenes highlighting the destruction of nature were also shown.

I will admit that the film will not appeal to a wide audience. With its lack of dialogue and repetitious scenes, it is easy to stray from watching the film. As for me, I praise the film for its originality and power. I was amazed that I had the capacity to appreciate such a film. The film truly achieved its objective in me for I walked out of that class with much insight, primarily of mankind. What was of great intrigue to me was the extent of the film's relevance. No one can deny that wealth is of greatest concern to most people. Getting and spending is widely regarded as the solution to an ailing economy. This is certainly the case in today's economy. As technological advances continue to elevate today's markets, the demand for the newest gadgets is ever increasing. What may be groundbreaking today is obsolete tomorrow. Take for instance the Ipod or the Mac computers. Yesterday we came to know and love the original Ipod, then came the mini, then the video, and so on. Likewise, there was the original Mac computer and then came the Macbooks that seem to become increasingly smaller as technology advances. The list of consumer products goes on and on including plasma screens, touch screen phones, more fuel efficient cars, and so on.

The point is, with so many products hitting the shelves we cannot help but to spend. It really is a never-ending cycle of manufacturing and consuming. Big businesses make them and we buy them. As long as there are things to be bought we will continue to consume. That is how it has been since the beginning of civilization and quite frankly, its a precedent that will always be maintained.

That is Koyaanisqatsi's message- conformity. Getting and spending has been a practice so commonly performed that we simply join the crowd. There is a saying, "if you cant beat them, join them", a statement reinforced in today's economy. The need to acquire the newest technology is a fad so commonly exercised. Possession of such material deems you "hip" or rather "cool".

Conformity is everywhere! We conform to the way we spend, to the way we dress, the way to prosperity; every function that is conducted in our lives is carried out in a uniform fashion. I welcomed this new perspective of life with open arms. Even my own life is entitled to conformity. Our society has exposed us to such a way of life that we have no choice but to follow. If only I can follow what I preach. If only I can conduct my life with humility. The humility of Kind David who trusted not on his own power for he knew very well that he was weak, but instead placed his life to the Lord. The Almighty delivered him from inevitable defeat, from the bondage of the Philistines, from the mighty Goliath. Even as he became ruler of a nation, King David entrusted his life in the Lord's hand. Despite of the many battles won in King David's reign, he always remained humble, never giving credit to his own power but to the power of God. Or perhaps Thoreau's resolve in spending time in the woods. By no means was Thoreau ever hypocritical when it came to his ideals. His love for nature was truly genuine, one who discovered contentedness in the solitude of the woods. So many have taught the philosophy of appreciating nature, to spend their time in solitude with its elements. But who can truly venture into the woods and spend their time meditating in its solitude. Even I will not have that resolve. Such a humility I may never achieve for the time at present forbids me to do so. Yet it is my resolve to walk this path of humility. The humility of King David who remained a loyal servant despite of countless victories and Thoreau who can find joy in the most simple elements of nature.

Perhaps a different perspective of life was what I needed to look beyond the boundaries of what is perceptible. To look beyond conventional wisdom- elements unseen by the naked eye. May I not be the same person who became a fool just to be noticed but may I be content with the few who truly accept me for who I am. May I not live for the moments that only make today worthwhile but for the moments that will bring a brighter tomorrow. May I not be another soul tossed and driven by the wind.